A New Beginning

A year full of surprises and sorrow. One that closed a couple of chapters and began many more.

This year has had its own share of best and worst experiences. Like many say, life is never a perfectly woven tale. I saw several people accidentally stumble into my life and do wonders. This year, meeting Meera ma'am, publishing Solitude and writing for The Hindu and Plethora were perfect accidents that rewrote my thinking and opportunities.

This year has been quite a rewarding one, with achieving dreams and heights way beyond my bucket list. I had always been more of a reader than a writer in the past. I have always considered books my refuge when reality was too painful and heavy, and publishing one of my own was never in the wildest of my dreams. Thanks to Meera ma'am and 2019, I was the proud author of Solitude in less than a few weeks. Even after authoring a book and writing for magazines and newspapers this year, the words author and writer still seem foreign and new to me. These words somehow don't find a place in my self-image and I'd rather call myself the way I am and remain labelless.

This year has been more about learning who I am.

2019 has acheived in sparking an important conversation and connection with me. Honestly, I have never felt more connected to myself. It has taught me to cut those relationships on the surface and swim towards home. Instead of trying to fix lost conversations outdoors, 2019 has led me to myself, that person eternally waiting to have a conversation with me. It connected me to the neglected one inside me, when others drifted away from me. I now understand how much importance it holds to embrace and talk to oneself, instead of chasing other relationships that crumble at the drop of a hat. I have never felt more original, true and in my skin. I spent more time (no, all the time) with myself to feel solitude in its truest form. I highly recommend going offline with friends and being with yourself for some time. Some might call this loneliness or poor social skills, but this has been a way of life for me. In the process, I have only learned more about myself while delving deep into things extroverts are afraid of. In my experience, surface relationships and meaningless conversations will get you nowhere. In the process, I have earned things of more value than anything else - respect and dignity.

I would say, delve deep into yourself and begin a conversation with your inner soul. Throw away what will get you nowhere and begin sculpting yourself into that beautiful statue you would love to admire.

As the old saying goes, "Tell me your friends and I'll tell who you are", it is important to decide what you should let to grow on you. Picking your influences is essential for moving toward your goals, and your choices will decide which direction you will travel in. Of course, bad decisions are fragments of experience, but some can give catastrophic results. This year, I did not hesitate to remove toxic people from my life and I'm proud of that. This is one of the biggest things that I have picked up along the way.

My biggest learning this year is, I am more than enough for myself. I have learnt to sort my mental chaos gradually and I am still learning.

Though last year was emotionally overwhelming, this year has taught me self- control.
By far, 2019 has been the most rewarding and fulfilling year at the most. Though there were times I felt the things that mattered to me the most came crashing down on me and nothing felt alive and kicking anymore, some moments planted a seed of new ideas and inspiration. There have been times of doubt, when I would be uncertain of my abilities. Yet, my purpose and a constant reminder of my passion keeps me wanting to leap out of bed every morning.

2020 is going to be a new beginning for me. It is going to be the point where several new chapters will begin, including entering teenage. Like Shakespeare said, there will be unexpected players in my life. Marking the end of this decade, I feel happy and fulfilled. This decade has seen my growing years with lovely experiences. To me, this decade has been one filled with good food, music, films and growth.

It is ironic how we think a year has sculpted us. We think, at the end of every year has shaped us into the greatest being in history, but wait till the end of the next year and you already would have a long list of regrets. If we were so perfect, life would be pointless if it meant the next New year had no silly resolutions to make. That's the essence of life, isn't it, to remain blissfully imperfect?

I have watched myself grow and improve in all aspects from a tiny, sensitive toddler to
a responsible twelve-year-old. I think it is time we embrace a brand-new milestone in time. This year has been wonderfully satisfying and filled with lovely memories.This is the very first decade I have witnessed and relished completely. This decade has been fulfilling and memorable at the most. I am grateful to time to have brought such wonderful people into my life in these ten years - my family, parents, sister, teachers, mentors and loads of friends and buddies I have made along the way. It has only inspired and pushed me forward every day. I know it is going to feel quite different when I write the date hereafter, to replace 1 with 2. Yet, life is all about changes, meeting new people, doing different things and living and evolving as an whole individual.


Come, 2020!