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Stepping up a Notch


Hello everyone!

Today is quite a special day for me. I am finally leaving the first twelve years of my childhood behind and entering the exciting new phase of teenage.

A time when you shed the skin of a child and explore the realms of adulthood. For me, turning thirteen hasn't made a big deal of difference on me. I still feel the same as I was and I don't feel any impact mentally at all. I have spent the past twelve years of my life living like a novice, and I don't quite understand the concept of teenage. Honestly, I don't know what to think of it and I just cannot conclude upon it at all.

Perhaps its just that I'm currently clouded mentally, and I am not able to clear the confusion in my mind. All I know is that I might have improved and grown up as an individual but, I'm still a childish mess in my head with emotions spilling all over the place. Turning thirteen is a lot to take in.

I feel this milestone is something that will add a little more responsibility. I have definitely grown up as a person and I now look at and process the world in a more mature way. As you might have figured out already, I have been struggling to handle people and don't worry, I still haven't been able to wrap my head around this horrific picture. I am quite sure it is going to be harder and is definitely going to get more interesting. Just as I expected, things are battering me physically and emotionally.

I feel I am getting more emotionally erratic and I also sometimes tend to be impulsive. I can already sense new thoughts clashing and it is making me question what is right and what is not. This is probably meant for unlearning what I follow and relearn it yet again.

The only thing I am trying to do now is just slow down, understand myself and construct my character carefully, just to protect what I have built over these years. This is quite a vulnerable time for me as an individual and I must brave through this with new strength. I know, sometimes I might not be myself and perhaps I might falter on the way. Perhaps the 'teen tantrums' are true after all. But, this year is very important to me and I promise to make the best of it.

When I cut my birthday cake last night, my parents urged me to make a wish and a promise. Honestly, I could not think of anything at the moment. But, my promise for this year would be to remain productive how much ever possible. My wish for this year is just to grow as an individual and cherish every moment of this time. I still can't fully understand what is happening to me, but I am excited to see what it is.

I am starting to feel more grown-up and less like a child. I am sensing a lot of different emotions that I have never felt before. I am still clumsy and I always will be, but this is pushing me towards thinking about my future adulthood, which now looks closer than ever. It feels like I am suddenly confused about what I want to do as an adult, and I hope this fog clears up soon. I am hardly a couple of years away from completing my schooling, and this is already worrying me.

Come with me on this rocky ride. I am sure I will sometimes leap and stumble across the way, but hold my hand tight and be my support. I don't know what this year will bring me, but I am more than ready to see what it is. This year is going to be a Pandora box for sure, and I want to know what it is going to bring me. Let me laugh and cry with you and get through this together, as we both watch Maanasa, now a thirteen-year-old, grow before our eyes.

Bring it on! 

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